Life is Now

Life too Fast? Slow down with a Horse.

2012-01-23T16:51:00.000-06:00

Fast forward 29 years later. I have horses in my life again. This new experience has been in the making since I read Linda Kohonov’s 2001 book The Tao of Equus. I intuitively knew that horses would enlighten me, teach me and provide that almost intangible connection to the greater world around me. I had it in my mind to dream big, to have a horse in my life. I started my intention in May of 2009 with creating a vision as shown on my blog, http://lifeiznow.blogspot.com/2009/05/vision-board.html.

Having Buster in my life has brought me back to those times when I was 14, on my mare Queenah, slowly making my way in the high desert of Arizona. Though those were turbulent times for me, I was able to get lost for awhile in the world of the horse. I could be authentic, let my guard down, all the while soaking up the adventure that comes from riding out in the Big Sky Country.

Buster takes me to that same place, where all is natural, without pretense, and simple. My "monkey mind" settles into the rhythms of grooming, walking, and what ever else we do together. I can't multi-task and there are no deadlines. It's like a short vacation!

Writing in fits and starts

2012-01-18T16:54:00.000-06:00

My last post was in August! Where does the time go? I have since landed a full time job, and am still chipping away at my degree. I write papers these days...and hardly think I have time to blog...well, I may start to find the time. It's a great place to meander and meditate. I will write down excerpts from a paper I did on Buster.

I still make time for Buster, but have had to relegate my time with him on Sundays. This is my first winter riding him. And I gotta tell you, I need better socks! My toes get numb when it goes below 35 degrees...

He is such a loving presence. I feel a sense of peace when I'm with him. The whole world melts away. Perhaps it's because I don't have to perform with him. I don't have to come up with answers, I just get to be.

I am thankful for him in my life.

When allowed to exist in a relatively stress free environment, a horse’s mind is literally swirling with the nuance common in creative geniuses. Just by associating with their equine partners, riders can tap into this stream as well”.

–Linda Kohanov, “The Tao of Equus”

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Like many women, I started my love affair with horses when I was very young. Their beauty and grace mesmerized me. I read every novel the library had that starred a horse in a leading role. Books like Black Beauty by Anna Sewell, The Black Stallion by Walter Farley, and My Friend Flika by Mary O’Hara stirred the fire within me to have a horse. At the time, we lived in the bustling suburb of Anaheim, California. My father was a pastor, my mom a stay at home mother, with five mouths to feed. I knew it was an impossible dream. But as impossible dreams sometimes do become reality, we moved to 15 acres on the Oak Creek in Cornville, Arizona in my early teen years. I was finally able to have a horse, for a short time however.

Lessons from Buster: Life Lesson #9

2011-08-20T12:48:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Life Lesson #8

2011-08-13T17:50:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Life Lesson #7

2011-08-06T11:46:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Journal Entry #6

2011-08-02T14:35:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Journal Entry #5

2011-07-22T11:00:00.000-05:00

Lessons From Buster: Journal Entry #4

2011-07-15T13:02:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Journal Entry # 3

2011-07-08T10:40:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Journal Entry #2

2011-07-01T10:38:00.000-05:00

Lessons from Buster: Journal Entry #1

2011-06-24T11:06:00.000-05:00

2011-05-26T20:34:00.000-05:00

Sometimes, around this time in the evening I find myself feeling empty. I have run out of ideas. I have no inclination to act. I feel done. I never know what to do with myself when I feel like this. I usually watch TV to distract myself. The day is full, and rewarding. We have dinner. Then the light gets amber and moody.
Dusk is my in between place of where I don't know where I belong. The sun is setting. I am restless but worn out.
I just made myself get off of the couch which was threatening to swallow me up. I opened this book that I picked up in Racine, WI, last Friday The Dance by Oriah. I just read the words:
"I must cultivate ways of being that let me feel the warmth of encouragement against my heart when it is weary...I must find the song lines that run through my life, the melodies that remind me of what I really am and call me gently back to acting on this knowing".
Okay, I showed up. Now what...

Yoga and the Way of Jesus

2011-04-13T13:13:00.000-05:00

I started an article series at examiner.com on "A Comparative Study of the Eight Limbs of Yoga and the Teachings of Christ". I add a local resource in the article as well for those who live in the Chicagoland area.

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Photo taken at Hyatt Spa in Indian Wells, Ca.

A constant theme in Jesus’s message was that inward introspection, loving thoughts and a rich internal dialogue with God was the way to connection to the Divine. This connection brings clarity, contentment, discipline, spiritual growth and surrender to the higher Power. Jesus saw how people become fixated with outward appearances, good deeds for recognition and spiritual acts for approval. He by example shows us how meeting the needs of the soul and body provided the pathway to contentment. He teaches that love is the highest need. We can choose to have love dictate our thoughts and actions.

Similarly in the second limb of Yoga, the practice is to incorporate a way of life that promotes love through nourishing one’s own mind, body and soul. What we take in from our surroundings through eyes, ears, touch and intuition affects our experience in the moment. Jesus calls people to Himself to rest and let go of the stuff that burdens their souls. He says “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light (The book of Mathew, Chapter 11, verses 28-30).”

“True transformation, healing, and creativity flow out of present moment awareness, which means relinquishing your attachment to the past and embracing uncertainty”. –Deepak Chopra

Kindness by Naomi Shihab Nye from “Words Under the Words”

2011-04-12T06:27:00.000-05:00

Kindness

Before you know what kindness really is

you must lose things,

feel the future dissolve in a moment

like salt in a weakened broth.

What you held in your hand,

what you counted and carefully saved,

all this must go so you know

how desolate the landscape can be

between the regions of kindness.

How you ride and ride

thinking the bus will never stop,

the passengers eating maize and chicken

will stare out the window forever.

Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness,

you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho

lies dead by the side of the road.

You must see how this could be you,

how he too was someone

who journeyed through the night with plans

and the simple breath that kept him alive.

Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside,

you must know sorrow as the other deepest thing.

You must wake up with sorrow.

You must speak to it till your voice

catches the thread of all sorrows

and you see the size of the cloth.

Then it is only kindness that makes sense anymore,

only kindness that ties your shoes

and sends you out into the day to mail letters and

purchase bread,

only kindness that raises its head

from the crowd of the world to say

it is I you have been looking for,

and then goes with you every where

like a shadow or a friend.

by Naomi Shihab Nye from “Words Under the Words”

Kindness in the Moment

2011-04-12T06:19:00.000-05:00

Kindness.
A simple enough notion.
But to me it's one of the most profound thoughts and actions a person can emanate.
It is the child of love.
A belief in oneself and others that softens the edges of this sometimes harsh world.
It starts with kindness to self.
Understanding that we are limited is the first step.
Some days we may need to rest.
We may disappoint our loved ones, our bosses, our teachers.
There are times when answers don’t come easy.
It is compassion.

Come Passion
Fire my Heart
Create in Me
Life
Alive to this Moment
Enough Space to
Relieve Suffering
Unbridled
Brave
And Free

Are You Happy with Your Life?

2011-03-22T16:17:00.000-05:00

Photo taken in Roquebrune, France

In a yoga frame of mind, focus on what you are thankful for. In this state of gratitude explore different areas in your life. What do you feel? Peace, joy, fear, stress or nothing at all. Do you believe you can change your own life? Pause for a moment. Scan your body. Do you hold tension anywhere? What are you holding on to? What do you need to release?

Every day, we have a wide range of choices that brings us joy, pain or something in between. And though the path of least resistance seems easier, it’s the tough choices that open us up to new life. It’s the sticking to yoga and practicing those more challenging poses. It’s not letting someone steal our moment of happiness. It’s choosing to eat healthy. It’s the small steps that take us to new levels of living authentically.

Today is your new opportunity. Rather, this moment is. Do it. Do the next thing that will make you happy. SARK in her book, Make Your Creative Dreams Real, suggests starting the journey toward the realization of your dreams by “microMOVEments”.

“Its 5 seconds to 5 minutes long because we can do just about anything for 5 seconds to 5 minutes”.

Meditate on the concept that you are loved and provided for.

Live Authentically to Your Unique Calling

2011-03-15T10:10:00.000-05:00

Shot taken at Sicilian Vineyard.

"Give no one in all the world the power to deflect you from your goal, your aim in life, which is to express your hidden talents to the world, to serve humanity, and to reveal more and more of God's wisdom, truth and beauty to all the people in the world.

Remain true to your ideal.

Shot taken off the Amalfi coast

Know definitely and absolutely that whatever contributes to your peace, happiness, and fulfillment must of necessity bless all who walk on earth.

The harmony of the part is the harmony of the whole, for the whole is in the part, and the part is in the whole.

All you owe the other, as Paul says, is love, and love is the fulfilling of the law of health, happiness and peace of mind."- Joseph Murphy The Power of The Subconscious Mind

(My 20 year old was wearing a shirt that exclaimed) "Get a Life"

2011-03-06T17:12:00.000-06:00

Arabian Desert Horse by Ratfia- http://www.etsy.com/listing/53789624/arabian-desert-horse-watercolor-print

"The horse not only represents the flesh-and-blood animal we propose to interact with creatively but our own body's instincts, intuition, and emotions, which most of us were taught to rein in and control like an unruly three-year-old stud". -Riding Between the Worlds- Linda Kohonov

I took on a temp job last week. I misunderstood what was required of me for the work, and thought it was an opportunity to use my creative thinking skills utilizing excel. I also imagined it may have been an opportunity for me to meet the head honchos of what I thought to be a creative environment.

Not so. On all counts.

I walked into a situation that I was all too familiar with. Tedious, repetitive tasks. Easy unimaginative work. Placed in a cubicle in front of a laptop, I was instructed to cut and paste data from one workbook to another and/ log the numbered workbooks onto a sheet of paper. For eight hours. The crazy part about all of this is that I returned a second day for the torture.

In Linda Kohonov's book Riding Between the Worlds, she explains concepts of authentic selves and false selves...the false self is build out of necessity to keep the world around a young person safe. This could look like people pleasing actions, the inability to connect with one's emotions, and codependent behavior. The authentic self "collaborates with life, improvising an original composition of such poignancy that it inspires awe in those who hear it - and fear in those who cling to the cage".

I feel as if a battle is going on inside of me. The desire to do work that is creative, fulfilling and inspiring versus the well worn pathways of duty, responsibility and compliance.

On the second day of tedium I told the manager I would not be coming back. On Friday I spent the day catching up on school work, journaling and doing yoga. I determined to take small steps to release my creative self. I realized that I have a perfectionist tendency to focus on well executed outcomes. Like I expect myself to write an award winning novel, while I am still learning to craft a story and define my voice. As the critic in my head shouts out
"You are too old to start painting, writing, riding horses, etc"
I take a deep breath and focus on the moment, and softly speak to my critic...
"Shhhh, it's no big deal. I'm just practicing. I'm just playing. I'm just creating some moments that are new. Nothing to be afraid of. No one to please. No one's grading my performance".

It's all good.

The Soul of a Horse

2011-02-24T17:23:00.000-06:00

"Crimson Lighting" Painted by Amy Giacomelli. Available at Etsy

Joe Camp in his book The Soul of a Horse, gives readers a different perspective on the possibility of relationship between horses and humans. He talks in terms of humans being part of a horses herd. It is counter to the traditional role horses have played in the world of mankind in the last few thousand years, but this "natural horsemanship" way is creating new experiences for horse lovers all over. The horse is not just a (as my friend said today) a means to an end. The horse is the end. A relationship with a horse is possible. And not just possible, horses crave it. Though sometimes it's not all that apparent.

Today I worked with Cooper, a former racing thoroughbred (saved from slaughter by Diana, the founder of EC). One of the volunteers distracted him for me as I groomed him (he gets grumpy when brushed). I led him out to the riding arena, and did some groundwork with him under one of the riding instructors direction. The groundwork eliminates fear and earns the horse's respect.

As I did a few exercises with him to show him that I needed his trust, he tried to scare me away with a quick move to nip me. Now you may think that was very mean of him to do that, however, in horsey language he was asserting his leadership, testing me to see if I would rise to the challenge. I quickly emphatically said "Knock that Off!" and firmly stood my ground (shoulders back, chin up, staring him in the eye) and pushed his head from my personal space. Within about five minutes after a few exercises Cooper and I were on the same page. The ride after the groundwork was that much easier. He listened to me, and moved the way I asked him. Amazing.

"I'm supposed to be part of the herd. It stands to reason that I need to know how to behave like a herd leader...we must find a way to be a horse...Horses are not humans. And they aren't dogs...A horse will do virtually nothing for a hug. But he will do virtually anything for his respected leader. and he will continually test that leader to see if he or she is still worthy of the title". -Joe Camp

Relationships Take Time

2011-02-21T15:34:00.001-06:00

This hiatus from the 40 hour work week is working its wonders. I am in my 10th month of unemployment. I am thankful for this opportunity to dive deep into learning through the SNL DePaul program, to spend time with horses and to perfect my downward facing dog. Each day begins with an opening of the eyes, stretch, morning coffee with mi amor and play time with Miya. Life has slowed down quite nicely, sort of in a meandering stream curving her way through somewhere beautiful.

I was working with a horse named Cooper last week, a shiny chocolate brown Thoroughbred rescued from slaughter (slow race horses don't fare well). It was our first real meeting. As I groomed him he pinned his ears to his head and tried to take a couple of nips out of my arm. He made me a little nervous, I moved slower and had some assistance from a young woman who knew him better than me. The grooming experience is a mix for me. I usually like brushing out the horses, however most of the horses don't seem to like it at this stable. I sense they have a lot of fear and nervousness around all the different volunteers. None of these horses have owners. I wonder who they bond with?

"Horse Thoughts" by Sabrina Greenleaf http://www.etsy.com/shop/greeneleaf?section_id=7251138

I reading Joe Camp's book Soul of a Horse. He writes of horses being herd animals who need to trust and respect strong leadership. The leadership characteristics he describes are one of the stallion with his band of horses. The stallion protects, and leads. He disciplines with ears pinned back, sometimes a nip, and at times a little shove. Humans have long been owners of horses, not leaders, and not in relationship with the horse. Mankind has demanded, coerced and beaten submission out of his horse, and I think I still see it in many of these horses eyes.

I hope I'll have the opportunity to win Cooper's trust. I want a chance at a relationship with him.

First Time Making Beef Burgundy

2011-01-29T15:14:00.001-06:00

Found this tasty recipe in Cook’s Illustrated Soups & Stews edition. I downloaded the (free) App on my iPhone for a list of ingredients. I usually don’t make recipe’s that have more than five minutes of prep work (and this recipe had at least 45 minutes of it). But I had the day to leisurely do whatever I wanted (due to being laid off in April of 2010). I started my shopping at a local produce store that I knew carried ingredients like dried Porcini mushrooms. I also stopped at Hobby Lobby for cheesecloth…(I don’t typically use cooking tools like cheesecloth, more like a microwave, or simple skillet to warm Trader Joe’s frozen meals).

Can someone like me produce a bouf a la bourguignonne, that tastes what Dawn Yanagihara of Cook’s Illustrated states as “earthy, big, robust, warm, and welcoming in a brooding sort of way”?

As the recipe explains, “each and every beef Burgundy begins with either salt pork or bacon…” As recommended I blanched the bacon to dissipate the sugar and smokiness that would corrupt the stew. I then started on the vegetable and herb bouquet.

I tore 10 sprigs of parley into quarters.

Separated out 6 sprigs of fresh thyme.

Coarsely chopped 2 medium onions (I used Vidalia's)

Peeled and chopped two medium sized carrots.

Separated out a medium garlic head, left peeled, and crushed.

I then cut two 22-inch lengths of cheesecloth and then lined a bowl with them, placing all the ingredients inside. I gathered the edges of the cheesecloth and tied the corners together with twine.

I layered the crispy bacon, sautéed stew chunks, over the bundled herbs and vegetables. Then poured the Burgundy sauce over it (which included most of the bottle of red Burgundy). After about 2 hours, at 300 degrees, I removed the Dutch oven from the stove, transferred the vegetable and herb bundle out to strain, and thickened the sauce for about 15 minutes. I added sautéed pearl onions and mushrooms…with a the rest of the wine.

The beef was tender enough to cut with a fork, the sauce was velvety and earthy. With a glass of 2007 Franciscan Cabernet our dinner was divine. This recipe get’s five stars from me! Most importantly mi amor loved it as well…

Three Year Blog Anniversary

2011-01-16T18:15:00.000-06:00

Shot taken in Hawaii

I've been blogging about whatever for three years now...so much has happened. I went from 60 hour work weeks, traveling the world on business to collecting unemployment and a full time student! I love my life!!!Blogging has been irregular, but part of the way I process my world. I love it's medium. I think it's the spontaneity, and though public, seemingly private in that I am a drop in an ocean of blogs.

Emotional Pathways

2011-01-09T11:53:00.000-06:00

I emerged from slumber with the feeling that all was not quite right. I wonder. Chicago winter. All is frozen outside. I need a glimmer of blue ocean I think. Maybe just the feeling of a warm breeze against my face.

I let the feeling emerge. It is tied to some deep longing for paradise. A place where one is not judged. I follow the tangent. It leads me to feelings of sadness. I feel a very small sense of unworthiness. Where am I feeling judged? I find a small sliver within me. I look at this emotion, and realize that it was sparked to my present consciousness from a conversation yesterday. I still judge myself. Dang! I thought I stopped doing that. I look at this judgment and realize it is ancient. The emotion swirls away. I now feel content. It was just a ghost of the past.

I am learning that emotions sometimes develop their own pathways in our mind. The pathways are triggered by seemingly innocent events, conversations and even visuals. Many times these emotions would take over my body, chemically altering my state of mind. Fear would trigger my anxiety and my thoughts would race to fight or flight. I would have a sense of needing to get out of where ever I was or I would get angry and want to kick some butt. Sadness would take me to thoughts of worthlessness and self judgment. I would spiral into depression and apathy.

Practicing mindfulness can bring about a sense of peace. When I allow a emotion to play itself out, without acting upon it or judging it, I am usually able to get myself in a more centered, content place. The emotion does not hijack my present state of consciousness then. I am able to be removed from it.

"...thinking about your emotions, you sense feelings, sensations, and thoughts from the perspective of the Impartial Spectator. You regard your thoughts and feelings as passing, ephemeral "mental events" rather than as accurate reflections of reality. Instead of reacting to negative thoughts and feelings as "these are me", you come to regard them as "events in the mind that can be considered and examined." You recognize that thoughts are not facts..." -The Mind and the Brain; Neuroplasticity and the Power of Mental Force by Jeffrey Schwartz and Sharon Begley

2010-12-06T14:05:00.000-06:00

Yosemite 2010

"We must cease denying our good. Realize that the only thing that keeps us from the riches that lie all around us is our mental attitude, or the way we look at God, life, and the world in general. Know, believe, and act on the positive assumption that there is no reason why you cannot have, be and do what ever you wish to accomplish through the great laws of God". -Joseph Murphy, The Power of your Subconscious Mind.

Living in Love

2010-11-13T11:23:00.000-06:00

In Portofino, Italy with mi Amor

This morning, I came across this quote on a yoga web site - "We are all functioning at a small fraction of our capacity to life fully. Consequently, the actualizing of our potential can become the most exciting adventure of our lifetime." - Herbert Otto

"Our capacity to life"...this capacity, it expands, it contracts, with just a thought or intention. I have lived small, unable to imagine the type of good I am experiencing today. I have lived out of a diminished capacity, unaware of my choices and their consequences. I have lived as a dead person, numb to the deepness of living.

Today I choose life. I marvel in her splendor, vividness and beauty. I take her hand and breath in her stillness and peace.

Aware

2010-09-15T11:29:00.002-05:00

Aware, originally uploaded by hastingshayseed.

I slowly drive up the gravel drive toward the stable, feeling a sense of stillness settle within me. I park in the volunteer parking area, turn off my car, and change out of my flip flops to my sturdy, leather work shoes. I walk through the open breezeway past the 15 plus horses, breathing in the comforting aroma of hay, cedar shavings, animal and dust. The horses call out to one another. An older woman is brushing a chestnut mare, talking to her as she strokes the hard bristled brush along the mare's back.

It is quiet. Peaceful. I am filled with well-being.

I meet with our instructor and am introduced to the other women who will be taking this class. We are three participants taking time from our busy lives to reconnect to ourselves through horses.

This step I've taken feels very significant. I feel no struggle, or conquest. This action is the very part of who I am.

And this has been a sort of slow realization. It sometimes feels like I am awakening from a semi-trance. Every step I've taken in accordance to my heart, I've pushed up against an ancient battle between "let well enough alone" and "I am uniquely and wonderfully made". The good fight for me is to listen to my true self, underneath the steady roar of other people's expectations, perceived expectations and the fear of not getting it right.

The instructor turns out to be a mentor for the NARHA certified instructor's program. I like her relaxed approach and quiet energy. On May 22nd, 2010 I wrote in my journal: I would like a horse mentor. One that would teach me how to lead from an honest, intuitive place... I do believe the Buddhist proverb: "When the student is ready, the teacher appears".

Horse Crazy Enough to get Sane

2010-09-12T13:35:00.000-05:00

I just recently (last Tuesday), started to volunteer at an equine therapy stable. Equestrian Connection, specializes in physical therapy, hippotherapy, and occupational therapy. During my first training session, I was a side-walker for a young man who picked me out of a volunteer line up. As a side walker, I made sure the rider stayed on the horse, and felt privileged to be a part of this young man's experience as he worked on holding the reigns correctly, as well as apply the right pressure and angle to the reigns when he would ask the horse to stop. The horses open new experiences for these riders who may have Down's Syndrome, MS, Spina Bifida, paralysis, or autism, as well as strengthen hand-eye coordination, sharpen verbal skills, and comprehension.

This stable also is full of horse crazy women like myself, so I signed up for a class called The Desperate Horse-wives. So far, it's just two of us, that have previous horse experience and have been away from the world of horses for quite awhile (about 25 years for me...) The trainer is going to reintroduce us to our horse connection, and sharpen our riding and horse handling skills.

I feel I'm reconnecting to a piece of my young girl heart that I have found. It's been hidden away, buried beneath the rubble of my life. It feels true like the summer sun. It feels right. It's a part of a distant past, though part of a present moment. Life is Now.http://www.flickr.com/photos/doug88888/4209348482/#/

Yosemite Tree

2010-09-12T11:58:00.001-05:00

2010 07 23_4115, originally uploaded by Kimberly.J.

I had a goal, when I started this blog, to write one paragraph a day. I started taking it too seriously. I wanted to deliver something inspiring, something to make this world a more beautiful life. And then my life got sorta complicated and I was unable to put anything out there. For days and months at a time. I turned this into a chore.

I'm starting over today. Just write at least a paragraph a day...just because.

Tall Ships 20 miles off of Racine's Shore

2010-08-22T13:06:00.002-05:00


Tall ship off the stern of our boat while crossing Lake Michigan from Saugatuck, MI to Racine, WI			.

We circled the two ancient sailing ships, marveling at their beauty and size. These two ships were part of a fleet of twenty showing up in Port Washington and eventually Navy Pier in Chicago.

The ships are worth seeing! Check them out at Navy Pier on August 24-29, 2010

We gunned our smaller craft toward Racine Harbor, feeling fortunate to have witnessed such finery on the Lake Michigan waters.

2010-07-19T15:10:00.000-05:00

There is nothing like a horse to bring out our inner girl. My girlfriends and I were swept into the magic of dancing horses. These magnificent creatures moved gracefully to the lights, sounds and trainers cues.

We had the opportunity to see the horses up close and personal after the show with the VIP ticket for only 10 extra bucks. We met Dana Montana, owner and entrepreneur of Dancing Horses Theatre in Delavan, Wisconsin.

See the following for more info on Dana Montana and her Dancing Horses Theatre:

http://www.suntimes.com

2010-07-15T18:40:00.000-05:00

Everywhere I look, creation is showing off her splendor. Bees, butterflies and double rainbows remind me of all the extravagant beauty there is in our world. Though on the journey of life one can find herself in perplexing circumstances, I am trusting that just around the corner answers to my questions will be found. Not only that, but we are created to live in beauty and abundance. I breath in the splendor of life.

Looking for Answers

2010-06-15T09:10:00.000-05:00

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” -M. Scott Peck

2010-06-12T13:32:00.000-05:00

My heart was in my throat. The smells of horse, dirt and summer practically swept me off my feet. I was standing right where I wanted to be. Among three regal horses and a sweet donkey. The air was humid, rain threatened our session, and the horses peacefully munched on clover and tall grasses. Steven, the equine therapist, asked me to choose one to work with. A thought flit through my mind, that they would reject me. The horses would not want to work with me. Fear of rejection. Interesting.

I practiced noticing the thought and not judging it. I allowed it to move in and then out. As I walked to the black horse, she shied away from me, as did the other two and even the donkey. I knew my thoughts were important here. I had put out rejection and fear, and horses being highly intuitive, kept their distance. I took a deep breath, centered myself in the moment. I breathed in the fragrance of the knee high field of clover, and breathed out my insecurity. I let the reality sink in. I was with three horses and a donkey. I could have just camped out in that moment.

I moved to the chestnut horse, telling her how lovely she was. I stroked her neck, she put her head to my chest, I felt her acceptance, my acceptance, and I moved to the next one. She was a tall beauty, and I whispered to her as well, how lovely she was, I glided my hand across her back, and moved to the donkey. His hair was wiry and muddy. A thought flashed that this little guy comes from a pedigree of century's of hard labor and little love. He broke my heart a little. Then I turned to Brio.

She wooed me from the beginning. She was the smallest, and she reminded me of something I couldn't quite put my finger on. Plus I grew up on tales of black horses, the most recent, of Rasa, from the Taos of Equus. I told Steven, I would like to work with her. He handed me a soft worn halter to put on her. I did just that. The memory of haltering my beloved Queenah came back to me. Tears ran down my face.

Pause to Reflect

2010-06-07T20:35:00.000-05:00

I have stumbled into a unique experience. I've invited horses into my life. I have (like most of our female species) had deep crushes on horses. As a girl, I pretended I was a horse, galloping around our yard, tossing my mane. I read repeatedly books like "The Black Stallion" series, "Black Beauty", and "My friend Flika". I had those horse models where Barbie always had to sit side saddle, where I wrestled her in to sit normally, finally giving up and imagining her racing along in raids, shooting the bad guys. My play was inspired by both "Charlie Angels" and the books I devoured. I drew horses on all my binders, papers, backs of envelopes. I had friends who had horses, and over the years were able to ride them. I was horse crazy.

When I was 12 years old, my father promised me a horse when we moved to Arizona. I met Queenah Star, 1/4 Arabian, 3/4 Quarter horse. She was 18, mellow and wise. We kept her on our 15 acre property, where the Oak Creek wound herself through our lives. I was living the dream baby! Every morning a stumbled down our hill to her corral, handing over a flake of alfalfa and a bit of oats, to her nodding, head. She pawed and snorted her pleasure.

During the few summers we were together, I would ride her out into the big sky country, with nothing but her, my German Shepherd, Heidi and the mesquite bushes. We would be gone all day, cut off from all communication and the sounds of civilization. She grounded me during my father's chemo treatments. She held my tears the day we buried him. She understood, better than me at the time, when we had to say goodbye to one another.

I have yearned for her for more than 30 years. It is time.I want to stand in a horse's presence and listen, heal and learn. I would like a horse mentor. One that would teach me how to lead from an honest and intuitive place. I want to meander down a desert path through mesquite and cactus- let the dust settle where it may.

"Only from the vantage point of fully experiencing and participating in the present did the past make sense and the future show its potential". -Linda Kohanov The Tao of Equus

Day 10: Awareness of the Good Fight

2010-06-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

It is considered a fight. It is a struggle to hold on to one's true center. It is so easy for me to slip into well defined roles of what I should be like, what type of work I should do and what will it take to make my loved ones happy. I, like many women, was raised in a culture of co-dependence and compliance. Early on, I was taught to be a very good girl. Being a good girl can be such a complex role. It has been a way of life that I have embraced, battled, rebelled against, hid behind and at times lost my heart. Working full time has helped me not deal with breaking from this role so much. Though in other parts of my life I've been bashing that role into pieces for the last ten years.

This is the longest time I have ever been unemployed since age 15. Early in my life I sought approval and identity in my work. Today, I have time. Time and space. With all the time off to ruminate on this one life that I have, I've come into contact with some very strong emotions. Some days I wake up pissed off at the world, other days, I'm sad. Though most days I can see through to the other side, and enjoy this journey for awhile. I feel more aware of my interior life and core connected to what makes my heart pump wildly for joy. Step by step I ferret out the purpose of my existence, I fight the co-dependency, I fight complacency, I fight the good fight with my allies at my side.

Day 9: Awareness of Allies

2010-05-22T16:50:00.000-05:00

Day 9

"You are meant to be surrounded by people who believe in you...who encourage you, buoy you, train you, give straight feedback, expect more from you, hold you accountable, hold a big vision for you, help you strategize, celebrate your victories, and support you through your defeats". - Judith Wright The One Decision

What kind of people surround you? I've learned over the years that people have the power to drag you down, or they have the power to lift you up...and we allow people to have that kind of power in our lives. These can be people who are long gone, but their input still registers in our psyche. Authority figures, friends, peers, associates have potential power that can free us or enslave us. I am thankful for the people closest to me are the kind that encourage me to be more than I can sometimes think is possible.

Day 7: Awareness of the Life Quest and Day 8: Recognizing the Keys to the Kingdom

2010-05-13T10:01:00.000-05:00

There are people in this world that have gone way beyond using and living out their unique abilities. These people are not only an inspiration and bring beauty and joy into our world. They bring relief to the suffering. Artists like Bono change our world.

Do we have "vision of more" or are we "resigned to less"?

Perhaps my one decision is to live out of my most authentic self and to provide opportunities or support for others to do the same.

"In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit". -Albert Schweitzer

*******************************************

"In all we do, we orient unconsciously to aliveness or deadness, intention or drifting, engaging or disengaging, play or boredom, creating or destroying". -Judith Wright

The weariness has settled in. I could see it on all of our faces. Though mostly on him. He looked as if he wanted to go into a corner, curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep. He spoke softly, looking dazed and unfocused, as each person paid their respects. He has spent the last 10 months caring for his lover, wife, mother of his children as well as watch her fade away to a whisper of what she once was.

She let go of her earthly dwelling place at 3:30 on Friday, May 7th, 2010. Those who were with her when she journeyed ahead, said she looked peaceful.

From the stories and pictures that filled the room, I saw that this family lived and loved fully. On this day they grieved fully. It is the only way of the Living. Deeply loving also gives way to deeply grieving. Joy and sadness are aspects of being fully alive. One risks having their heart broken into a million pieces when loving another fully.

“You can shed tears that she is gone,
or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see her,
or you can be full of the love you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her only that she is gone,
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what she'd want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.”
- David Harkins

Day 5: Awareness of the way of the Heart and Day 6: Awareness of Presence

2010-05-08T09:55:00.000-05:00

"When you lead from your heart, you bring the full richness of your experience to bear. Not dependent on the rational alone, you form a powerful alchemy of thoughts, feelings, and intuition". -Judith Wright

People that come to mind, who live with Heart that honor and express their feelings, share themselves, trust their intuition are my very close friends. I am growing in trusting my intuition. I've lived life the other way and found it was very limiting. Living life from my heart opens up possibilities, solutions and abundance.

*****************************************

Being in the moment, aware of the very experience of being alive, in the experience, being more than an observer, being a partaker in this life, is my ultimate focus.

"You are alert, conscious, awake, aware, and available. Experiencing this quality of 'being with' is where you feel connected to yourself, others, and spirit." -Judith Wright

I relinquish my desire for control of outcomes. I let each moment happen. I am fully present, feeling the feelings, expressing if needed, I relax in the knowing that all is as it should be.

"Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence" - Eckart Tolle

Day 4: Recognizing Truth

2010-05-06T10:49:00.000-05:00

In this season of my life, I am fortunate to have people in my life that live life out of a very genuine place. They have clarity and can quickly discern truth from a lie. In our conversations we engage in probing complex issues. We process with one another the deeper truths that come out of this type of communion. Because of this core group of friends (Mi Amor as well), I've grown in truth about myself and in grace for myself.

Today my life resonates freedom. I conserve my energy and resources. I have a deep and abiding peace that all is as it should be.

...Jesus said, "If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."-John 8:31-32

Mi Amor suggested that as we make choices together, we will listen to what our "gut" is telling us, we will look for the least complicated solution, our choices will lead us to simplicity and truth. I like his perspective. Life does not need to be complicated. It gets complicated when we are less than honest with ourselves.

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”-Steve Jobs

Day 3: Awareness of the One Decision

2010-05-05T17:05:00.003-05:00

"You use your free will to choose the kind of life you will lead". -Judith Wright

I see it. It's MORE than getting a job that makes me happy. It's MORE than working in my unique abilities. It's a much bigger way of living. It's being committed to something higher than me, some calling that is greater than me. Something that isn't quite safe, something risky, exhilarating, with many questions, and many answers. It's beyond my very capacity to perform it. It's what Christians describe as "Christ in us". "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"...in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[m] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord".Romans 8:37 - 39

It's the Thomas Edisons, the Richard Stearns, the Lynn Hybels, the Gertrude Maxwells in the world that live out of something that is more than ambition. It is all about living out a calling that changes our world for good.

So, today I noticed what was behind my choices. Was I choosing because of have-to's, shoulds or because I wanted to please someone?

These days my choices are mostly made because I feel drawn to that decision. I choose to support my love of order and beauty. I try to choose in ways that don't compromise my energy levels and emotional and spiritual boundaries. I am continually working on choosing the path of love and not fear, as well as growing as a person who makes choices from her heart and not some one's expectations and desires for me.

Day 2: Awareness of Desire

2010-05-04T21:44:00.002-05:00

"Desire springs from the deepest longings of your soul and the hungers of your heart- the hunger to be affirmed, touched, seen and heard, to love and be loved, to express, to belong, to learn, connect, to matter, to make a difference, to be one with the greater whole of life." - Judith Wright

People that come to mind, who live guided by their deepest desires are Eckert Tolle, Oprah, St. Francis of Assisi, and Ghandi. These people radiate peace, live with a passion and are joyful.

Today, did I recognize, follow and fulfill my desires, or did I ignore and numb them?

I followed my heart. Which I have been in the practice of doing for the entire month of April, as an unemployed person. I take naps when I need to. I putter in the garden. I go on long walks with Augie. All in all, a very amazing existence when one follows their desires...

A Thirty Day Quest

2010-05-03T16:03:00.002-05:00

I have embarked on a thirty day quest. I started yesterday to dedicate myself to the process to "develop a solid foundation to maximize the benefits from this life- altering commitment", what Judith Wright names in her book "The One Decision". She writes that it is a "simple process of reading, reflecting, experimenting, and analyzing" that will help me discover or deepen "the power and freedom that the One Decision can create in (my) life".

Day 1: Awareness of Adventure

Will I choose "newness or sameness, challenge or avoidance, expression or withholding"?

I think of people like Tim Ferriss, Caesar Milan, Stephen Covey, Bill Hybels, and Sarah Palin, who live their lives as an adventure. They are plugged into their unique calling, their support networks, their dreams and desires. They have detractors and supports. They create a buzz. People love them, believe them or hate them and doubt their sincerity.

I love this kind of person, one who, without any apologies, lives their lives fully and courageously. I want to live like that - to create a powerful life giving hum, to change and inspire organizations of human talent to sing their unique song. I want to influence my loved ones and strangers to live and love deeply, to live out their unique blend of skills, talents and abilities.

"True Adventurers embrace life, take risks, and live to maximize their potential" -Judith Wright

Listen to the Season of the Heart

2010-04-30T20:26:00.002-05:00

2010 04 21_3209.JPG
Originally uploaded by Kimberly.J
"Learning to care for yourself and nourish yourself is a critical skill...Self-care and nourishment means monitoring your victim-hood and acknowledging and expressing your emotions". -Judith Wright, The One Decision

My mom and I were talking about acknowledging emotions today. Some of us, and maybe it tends to be more women than men, I don't know, all I know is what my girlfriends tell me, and what my own experience tells me, is that we feel certain things and dismiss them.

For me, a certain kind of low level anxiety starts buzzing, kinda like the way power lines sound, when you are walking on one of those paths that lead you down and through those huge power line swatches, well at least in the Midwest. (And some say if you live near one of these areas, you are susceptible to cancer).

This anxiety drone will go on for days, and I will dismiss it, turn up the volume of my life, and keep moving. For me, action temporarily alleviates my awareness of the stress that is building in my life. Problem is , the noisier I get, the faster I go, the worse the stress gets. When finally, after downing my sorrows in too many glasses of wine, I am sick and tired of my life.

In recent weeks, on unemployment, I've had a chance to really pay attention to what my emotions are telling me. I've kept a quiet, mellow pace, listening to my heart, only doing stuff that I have energy for. I've also, limited my wine consumption considerably and guess what??? I have been able to trace my emotions to their causes, and be proactive. Instead of being a victim to life, I am continuing to take ownership of my happiness and well-being.

This season feels like Spring. Not just physically (though the 80 degree temps today were intoxicating) but emotionally and spiritually. I am seeing the new growth of the seeds that were sown during the times of change and impending winter. I feel alive.

Thanks be to God from whom all Blessings flow!

Bird Watching

2010-04-28T18:23:00.001-05:00

DSC05506.JPG
Originally uploaded by Kimberly.J

We are living the life, I tell ya!!! Everyday, right outside the picture window, right from our kitchen table, she sits and waits. We watched for days her lovey dovey fly back and forth with gifts of twigs to make their nest. She preened and puttered, putting the twigs in just the right places. And now she sits. She waits. She watches. Soon we will have fluffy dove chicks to observe.

I love this life.

Friday Shootout!: Things that Make me Smile

2010-04-16T12:10:00.000-05:00

This dog makes me smile!!!

Jake is a Katrina hurricane survivor. Our good friends brought him into their home, where he slowly adjusted to the good life. Though obviously traumatized from the event, he has remained good-natured, sweet and communicative. He is the most lovable creature I've ever met, (besides mi Amor).

"Angels are messengers, but sometimes we misunderstand their language". ~Linda Solegato

Friday Shootout: Country Roads

2010-04-10T00:45:00.000-05:00

It's just past midnight, and though I am typically in dreamland about now, I am sitting here, enjoying the buzz from the coffee and Bordeaux I partook at Le Titi, a fabulous French restaurant that I was at this very evening, with my girlfriends. Anyway I am posting for the infamous Friday shootout. The theme today (or yesterday) is county roads, chosen by the very talented poet-picture taker, Gordon.

There is nothing like a sunrise road trip on the Big Island of Hawaii listening to the sounds of Maunalua and Israel Kamakawiwo`ole . This series will be on my travel blog shortly. I tend to take many shots of the road and the landscapes whizzing by. Mi Amor does all the driving, I do all the picture taking.

The terrain changed, rain started to come out of nowhere. For about 10 minutes we were under water.

And then the sun came out. Hawaii is a diverse and magical place.

"Country Roads, take me home..."

2010-04-08T08:46:00.000-05:00

"The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." - Thich Nhat Hanh, Vietnamese monk, activist and writer

Practicing the art of being Present is a daily (hourly, minute by minute) journey. There is so much distraction in my head. I have plans, mental to do lists, memories, future concerns and a general buzz of a busy mind. I am learning to slow down and simply breath, notice my surroundings, and deliberately engage myself. Whether it is making tea, straightening up the house, sitting with mi Amor at the beginning of the day, I slow my mind down and relish in the present moment.

At this moment I am blogging, and reading from The One Decision, looking out the window at the spring green growth, in my office space that is decorated the way I like it, a subtle fragrance of hyacinths permeates the air, I feel good, alert, happy.

As my mom says everyday:
"This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

Amen!

Unveiling

2010-04-07T17:06:00.000-05:00

In this season of Unemployment, I'm taking the time to live deeply. I am enjoying the simple tasks of straightening, organizing, catching up and talking with friends. Since I have more time with myself, I am pondering, journaling and discovering deeper truths. Today I read in The One Descision:

"As you become more genuine, you experience the elation and relief of being yourself, sometimes for the first time in your life. It's like coming home again."

Becoming genuine, has been a Born Again experience for me. I used to hide what I didn't think were useful parts of myself, I wasn't honest about my anger and fear. I went through the motions of doing the right thing, day in and day out, until one winter morning about 6 or 7 years ago, I had only one reason to get out of bed- and that was my kids. It was as if the whole world were under water. My body caught up with my mind. I was emotionally flat-lined. It was as though God had hid His face from me.

The journey since then has been amazing as I have become more honest with myself and those I love. Life has become a whole lot easier, I use a lot less energy when I trust my Heart. My life feels more fluid. Gone are the days of putting up with people who behave poorly - of putting up with jobs that drain me - of putting up with anything that I don't have energy for. I am not saying that I only choose the easy path, I just choose paths that call me.

Awake, thou wintry earth -
Fling off thy sadness!
Fair vernal flowers, laugh forth
Your ancient gladness!
~Thomas Blackburn, "An Easter Hymn"

Time Managment

2010-04-01T17:10:00.000-05:00

My first assignment in my SNL Foundations class is to look at how I spend my time. The following is my submission.

*****************

I’ve learned that the countless hours in therapy, reading books and learning-to-say-No has helped me dictate how I want to live, most importantly the art of time management. The before SNL graph is very similar to the after SNL graph, the only change is my work hours. I admit I am in a sweet spot and do not take this for granted.

I have a loving husband who supports me in my goals. My kids are older now, able to do their own laundry and make their own lunches (plus they would really rather hang out with their friends than sit around with their mom). I have time flexibility. However it hasn’t always been this way. Through my support network of friends and family, I work diligently at personal growth, getting feedback and living in the moment.

A few of my favorite books on the subject of time management:

Boundaries: When to Say Yes When to Say No To Take Control of Your Life – Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend
    I worked through this book with a group of women, where we kept each other accountable and honest. For those who find that they are exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed, this book is a real eye opener and potential life changer.
    “Any confusion of responsibility and ownership in our lives is a problem of boundaries. Just as homeowners set physical property lines around their land, we need to set mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual boundaries for our lives to help us distinguish what is our responsibility and what isn’t.” – Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend

Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity -David Allen
    This book is chock full of fabulous quotes and simple things you can do to run your life instead of it running you. My favorite and life-changing concept out of this book is getting stuff out of your head and into a time management tool.
    “Anxiety is caused by a lack of control, organization, preparation, and action. – David Kekich

The 4-Hour-Workweek – Timothy Ferriss
    I used a few exercises out of this book to challenge some of my deep-set fears of failure. Through that experience I was not only promoted at my previous job but am living out the reality of my dreamline. Tim tells some fabulous stories of the NR (New Rich), encouraging the reader to get very clear in their heads on what they want their lives to look like.
    “Being overwhelmed is often as unproductive as doing nothing, and is far more unpleasant. Being selective - doing less – is the path of the productive. Focus on the important few and ignore the rest.” – Timothy Ferriss

Miracles do Happen for Those who Believe in Them

2010-03-31T13:45:00.000-05:00

The rest of my life officially started today.

I am no longer employed by The Company. This morning I turned in my key FOB, Blackberry and laptop. I said goodbye to a few people I consider friends. I drove home, feeling like I wanted to go to lunch and celebrate with my loved ones. But alas, mi Amor is at his work, my closest friends are at their day jobs, my kids are in school...

Oh yippy kay yeah! I've got the house to myself! I have time to myself...I get to decide how I'd like to spend it! I wonder if this new found freedom will get boring? I can't imagine. I've already kept myself busy setting up my consulting business, organizing my household and shopping and cooking for my men. I've been trying this new life out for the last month, my boss graciously allowed me to "work" from home. I've been following my urges and instincts. I've been able to accomplish a lot of unfinished projects, and I gotta tell you, I feel great!

This time last year I was absolutely stir crazy with my job. I hated it. I wanted to get out. I was having discussions with Mi Amor about quitting, stressing him out to no end. And I just checked my blog posts from this time last year and I can't believe it...Today is the exact one year anniversary of the following post:
http://lifeiznow.blogspot.com/2009/03/trying-to-quit-my-job.html

12 months ago to the day, I put all of this out there in the universe:
1. Work from home.
2. Work on Six-Sigma Lean Projects.
3. Cut my hours.

I got the sweetest deal of them all. Laid off, with a severance package and with high probability of contracting Lean-Six Sigma projects for The Company, working from home.

It all starts with the imagination. Dream Big!!!

Next on the list: A horse. I want a horse.

"For horses can educate through first hand, subjective, personal experiences, unlike human tutors, teachers, and professors can ever do. Horses forge the mind, the character, the emotions and inner lives of humans. People can talk to one another about all these things and remain distanced and lonesome. In partnership with a horse, one is seldom lacking for thought, emotion and inspiration. One is always attended by a great companion." - Charles de Kunffy

Live

2010-03-27T19:04:00.000-05:00

"As you continually step into the unknown, you become your most magnificent, sensitive, courageous, creative self. Through the Adventure, you will learn faith and discover divine will as you explore your destiny." - Judith Wright, The One Decision

Stepping into the unknown is so natural for children. They are open, curious, willing to take a risk. Failure is not apart of their imagination yet. "And He called a little child to Himself and put him in the midst of them, And said, Truly I say to you, unless you repent (change, turn about) and become like little children [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving], you can never enter the kingdom of heaven [at all].

Whoever will humble himself therefore and become like this little child [trusting, lowly, loving, forgiving] is greatest in the kingdom of heaven.And whoever receives and accepts and welcomes one little child like this for My sake and in My name receives and accepts and welcomes Me.(The Amplifid Bible, Matthew 18:2-6)

Jesus models how to live life out of the One Decision. His being that He was always about "His Father's work". He did not concern Himself with food, shelter, popularity or even what His mother thought. He stepped into Adventure every time he healed the leper, spoke gently to a woman, gave a beggar dignity and forgave a thief.

To live in Christ is to die to safety, security, status quo, the letter of the law, to break out of social norms at times. It is to live like we are dying.

Artist: Tim McGraw
Album: Live Like You Were Dying
Song: Live Like You Were Dying

Lyrics:

He said I was in my early forties
with a lot of life before me
when a moment came that stopped me on a dime
and I spent most of the next days
looking at the x-rays
Talking bout the options
and talking bout sweet time
I asked him when it sank in
that this might really be the real end
how's it hit you when you get that kinda news
man what'd you do

and he said
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

He said I was finally the husband
that most the time I wasn't
and I became a friend a friend would like to have
and all the sudden going fishin
wasn't such an imposition
and I went three times that year I lost my dad
well I finally read the good book
and I took a good long hard look
at what I'd do if I could do it all again

and then
I went sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Like tomorrow was a gift and you got eternity to think about
what'd you do with it what did you do with it
what did I do with it
what would I do with it'

Sky diving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named FuManchu
and then I loved deeper and I spoke sweeter
and I watched an eagle as it was flying
and he said someday I hope you get the chance
to live like you were dying.

Choose Life

2010-03-24T17:34:00.001-05:00

"In the face of this absurdity, life is too precious a thing to permit its devaluation by living pointlessly, emptily, without meaning, without love, and finally, without hope."- Vaclav Havel, first president of the Czech Republic

Substantive.
I am committed to a substantive life. One of depth, meaning, and abundance.
Peace.
I will promote peace in all things. Peace of mind. Peace in my home. Peace in all that I do.
Order.
I will work within an orderly space, things in their rightful place. I will not own more than I need, and routinely cull through possessions, ridding myself of the unnecessary.
Beauty.
I create beauty through photography, painting, gardening, decorating and writing. I will see, hear, touch and taste the beauty in this world daily.

" It is our choices ... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities." -JK Rowling

Quotes from: The One Decision - Judith Wright.

A Charmed Life

2010-03-22T09:41:00.006-05:00

"Like it or not, we each have the life that we decided to have. We don't have the life that we want, wish for, hope for, or plan to have, but rather the one we decide to have". -Judith Wright from The One Decision.

The instant I decided to live out of my true calling, that call to live authentically, in congruence with my soul, is when I let go of what I thought I should be doing or what I thought God or family or friends required of me to be a good Christian. I began to trust that God is loving or is LOVE, and designed me in a very unique way, and that in each step of the way I would have guidance on what to do next. I could listen to my hearts desire, I could play and experiment with where, what and who I felt attracted to.

I was reborn on August 1st, 2004. I high dived right off a cliff, trusting that Grace would catch me. I let go of a lifestyle of perfectionism, worry, guilt and strife. I gave up control.

I have today what a friend calls "A Charmed Life".

Definition of Charmed:
Something assumed to have magical power; a quality that attracts or pleases; fortunate, lucky; captivating; appealing or attractive.

A paradigm shift took place. I stopped using broken models of codependent thinking and guilt based decision making. Today I experience unconditional love 24/7 from mi Amor. I don't worry about my sons as they learn the ropes of life. I trust that the Universe is as it should be in this moment and that God is in the business of reclaiming what was lost, restoring what is broken and empowering us to do the same with each other. I do not give in to fear, but dive into Love. My One Decision is that I choose Love.

"My One Decision is about being alive, conscious, engaged and devoted to a higher purpose - it's not about being perfect". -Judith Wright, The One Decision.

2010-03-19T15:32:00.004-05:00

It's over. Done. Finished.
I feel really good. Tired but at peace. I've worked really hard on this and I'm relaxed, the outcome isn't as important as the doing of this task I've come to realize. Which has left me with a lot of grace for myself. I've learned a bit about myself as well. ( Like, I tend to put hard things off 'till the very last moment. Yet, I am fired up in the wee morning hours to complete my task at hand). Which is usually the case when one takes a risk. I'm just glad this part is done.

I am sitting at the airport returning home from my first sales proposal. The proposal was given a few hours ago to The Company that has employed me for the last 4 years and letting me go at the end of this month (due to company wide restructuring). I proposed that they hire me as their consultant to run Lean Six Sigma projects. My current boss (bless him!) set this whole thing up for me. He scheduled the top dogs to meet with me to see what I offer.

So, my dream, step by step is becoming reality. I have a website, theleanmethod.com. I have a work blog thinklean. I have a prospective client. I have a new power suit (bought on sale at the Ann Taylor Outlet store). This is all so dang cool.

A part of me is being born. An entrepreneur is taking shape. I've always daydreamed of owning my own business and the fear of failure kept me from taking the necessary steps to begin. Defeating thoughts like "thousands of businesses fail each year" and "what do you want to sell?" would keep me from starting. But as seasons change, so do opportunities. And this one would not be lost on me. Mi Amor has completely supported me in this venture, allowing me to take the risk to start this company.

"When you reach an obstacle, turn it into an opportunity. You have the choice. You can overcome and be a winner, or you can allow it to overcome you and be a loser. The choice is yours and yours alone. Refuse to throw in the towel. Go that extra mile that failures refuse to travel. It is far better to be exhausted from success than to be rested from failure."
- Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

On the go

2010-03-17T16:51:00.002-05:00

Whew!
Life is rockin'!

Just a moment to say that I love the use of voice recording! What a great way to express ones self on the fly. I just mms'd (multimedia messaging service) myself the following:

I'm using a voice note on my Blackberry and just want to remember as I'm sitting in my grey, newly rented Hyundai Elantra, in Chattanooga, Tennessee for the first time:
1. I love to travel, just cause I like the unexpected.
2. The Nuvi is probably one of the best inventions ever.
3. I just had a McDonald's Chicken Wrap, grilled, no sauce. Lovely!
4. There is a Happy Nails across the street. I'm gettin' myself a manicure. (Sigh). Then I'm off to The Company.

Love the technology...might be using that one for ideas on articles and the like.

Live it Up!

2010-03-03T10:43:00.002-06:00

So, the Earth's axis may have shifted. Which has the propensity to shorten our days. Makes me feel a little vulnerable, even though we are talking milliseconds. The 8.8 earthquake is the 7th strongest quake recorded. I don't know about you, but the Haiti earthquake, the Chilean quake, talk of tsunamis and a kid directing pilots from the control tower at John F Kennedy, leaves me with a sense that I've gotta love this life fully. You never know if the ground below you may give away or the airplane your taking is being handled by less than professionals.

Before and After

2010-02-28T12:10:00.005-06:00

Her name is juice box, juice for short or just jb. She's staying with us while her human looks for a residence that allows cats, while in his last year of college. We all love her, except Augie, who may want to eat her. So, they co-exist peacefully in different parts of the house. She is a basement dweller for now, Augie stays upstairs.

She's actually quite friendly with dogs and would love to mess with Augie a little, but he's a bit of a grumpy old man when it comes to cats, he grew up with one, who teased him endlessly. Max the cat would jump up on table tops and paw at Augie's tail when he would walk by. Or Max would not let Augie pass on the stairs. He would sit at the second stair from the top and stare the dog down.

JB received the Lioness Cut from Jiminy Clippers by owner Cathy Hartley. I took about a hundred pictures and couldn't quite capture the look. She's very camera shy.

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

Just one little nibble? Pleeeeese?

2010-02-22T14:59:00.006-06:00

I was in class on Saturday, discussing Kolbe scores and Myers Briggs personality tests. I never can keep my types straight. And this sort of bothers me. I have a hard time with acronyms and number sequences. My wise friend “J”, tells me that it’s because I have no need for the information. This type of knowledge doesn’t benefit me. As we discussed further, not only does this information not seem relevant to me, I am uncomfortable with being pegged as a certain type. She said that I’m probable a “P”.

I asked her to tell me what a “P” is. She said a “P” is a more open-ended person, and you know, I am. Here’s what I found on the Myers Briggs site:

The following statements generally apply to me:

* I like to stay open to respond to whatever happens.
* I appear to be loose and casual. I like to keep plans to a minimum.
* I like to approach work as play or mix work and play.
* I work in bursts of energy.
* I am stimulated by an approaching deadline.
* Sometimes I stay open to new information so long I miss making decisions when they are needed.

Yup. I’m a “P”. I’m a INFP.

INFP
Idealistic, loyal to their values and to people who are important to them. Want an external life that is congruent with their values. Curious, quick to see possibilities, can be catalysts for implementing ideas. Seek to understand people and to help them fulfill their potential. Adaptable, flexible, and accepting unless a value is threatened.

So I take this to mean that I like to keep things open-ended. Plus, this personality type fits right with my Kolbe score of how I go about doing work.

For my Kolbe I am a: 6283. The continuum is 1 through 10. 1 being preventing problems to 10 being Initiate Solutions.
6 = Fact Finder, how I gather and share information. In this action mode I Explain.

Create documentation and instructions-Review the data-Edit the details -Work within priorities-Start with the highest probability-Use terms properly-Respond appropriately-Test analogies-Consider all of the evidence-
Rewrite and fact-check written material

2 = Follow Thru, my best way of arranging/designing is by Adapting

Create shortcuts-Revise approaches-Thrive on interruptions-Diversify-Switch tasks frequently-Be flexible-Cut through bureaucracy-Do several things at once-Keep everything accessible-Find ways around problems

8 = Quick Start, my best way of dealing with risks/uncertainty is by Improvising

Create a sense of urgency-Initiate change-Improvise solutions-Experiment-Promote alternatives-Initiate innovation-Originate options-Generate slogans-Defy the odds-Ad lib stories and presentations

3 = Implementor, my best way of handling space/tangibles is by Imagining.

Create abstract images-Conceptualize solutions-Envision circumstances-Capture the essence-
Symbolically portray-Find intangible methods-Create temporary fixes-Mass produce-Deal with abstractions-Concoct out of thin air

Knowing my instinctual way of how I go about work and play helps me to accept those parts of myself that may be different than others…and helps me understand others as well.

Like right now, I’m playing (writing this blog), while doing laundry, listening to jazz, and working on a presentation that I’m giving this Wednesday (that’s my low Follow Thru and High Quick Start). I like short deadlines.

During my walk this morning I continued conceptualizing solutions for this project (I’m a low Implementor).

I’ve just explained (that’s my high Fact finder) how I go about life.

So, how do you like to do life?

New Learning

2010-02-20T17:25:00.003-06:00

I just finished the Learning Assessment Seminar at DePaul’s School of New Learning. I wrote an essay to prove my competency in academic writing. I created a learning autobiography. And answered questions regarding my readiness for this particular program. It’s my plunge into the deep end of college. My goal is to finally earn my BA. With Mi Amor’s amazing support, I will engage myself in the fabulous life of essay writing, as I build repertoire of competencies. The program is the most flexible I have yet to come across, using transfer credits and life experience to earn that necessity these days.

The following is taken from my learning autobiography:

I will be laid off in a few weeks, only to be rehired again as a Lean Six Sigma consultant. One of my dreams has been to be my own boss. In fact, I created a life map about two years ago that indicated where I’d like to be in a few months, a few years, a decade, and in the golden years. On my map, I have written, “By the age 41, work from home.” I am 41 years old today, and started officially working from home last Thursday. I have been reading Entrepreneur Magazine, The Harvard Review, books by authors like Stephen Covey, Peter Block, and The 4-hour Workweek by Tim Ferris. I have researched how to start a consulting business, created a web site, and secured a dot com. I am already living my dream. With one son in high school and the other in college, I now will meet my goal of achieving a Bachelor’s of Arts Degree. I am ready and willing to begin the next leg of this journey.

Sunset dreamin

2010-02-14T15:08:00.001-06:00

43-Sunset-at-Dukes.jpg, originally uploaded by Kimberly.J.

I am officially working from home now. The reality of it has left me full of gratitude. It is just one more of my dreams coming true. Most importantly I have becoming a fervent evangelist of setting one's mind on these seemingly far-fetched ideas. Ideas of being cherished by my husband at a time when I had no husband that cherished me, ideas of our kids growing up to be self-reliant, confident young men who live like there is no tomorrow while watching them make choices that may set them up for unhappiness, ideas of seeing our beautiful world when I could barely pay my bills, ideas of providing hope and meeting basic needs of our most impoverished brothers and sisters when I sometimes felt hard pressed to meet my family’s basic needs...each one of these ideas have become reality. It is so true that what we think really does create our reality.

All this thinking is really what we call prayer. It's the words and emotions formed from within our spirit that connects to the Holy Spirit, that divine energy that connects us to God. I am learning to take my fears and turn them around to become prayers of faith. I am secure in that I am deeply loved, not just by my husband (though he has sure helped me understand what true love is), not just by my girl friends (though their acceptance of who I am has helped me not hide), but ultimately I know that the Creator of all that is seen and unseen looks out for my best interest. I have nothing to fear. I can take the risk of living in Christ. Living in that amazing grace that resurrects death and restores sight.

I can take the risk to live like I’m dying with nothing to lose. I hope you do the same.

"Man is what he thinks all day long". -Emerson

"Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved." -Victor Hugo

"Fear is a negative thought in your mind. Supplant it with a constructive thought. Fear has killed millions. Confidence is greater than fear. Nothing is more powerful than faith in God and the good." –Joseph Murphy, Ph. D

I'm Living the Dream Baby!

2010-02-04T11:17:00.010-06:00

It's been a rough adjustment transitioning from Hawaii to Chicagoland. I'm surprised by how lethargic and prone to drinking wine I am since being back...It might be the 4 hour time change that has me all out of sorts. But I think it's the lack of ocean views, walks along the resort property, floral smells wafting in the warm breezes and colorful beauty that I'm missing.

It's as if my mind is revolted by the gray, brown and white pallete of my window's view and my feet are rejecting the socks and Emu's, missing the warm sunshine kisses.

Mi Amor and I are planning our escape. We have a five year plan to either relocate to somewhere warm...or to at least in the short term, get the heck out of the artic cold for a few months and rent somewhere...There are people who do this sort of thing...Snowbirds, though I may want it to be more permanent.

Just browsing through vrbo.com, I came up with many places to stay on the big Island of Hawaii. There is a Costco right by Kona airport with prices similar to what we pay here in the Midwest...this is so doable!
We create our own reality. It starts with the imagination. It starts with dreaming. Then the fantasy moves to something more substantial, it becomes a belief, a knowing, an understanding that the dream is possible. Then a risk has to happen. An acting out of that belief. An action that moves you closer to the dream becoming a reality. The action can be writing the belief or dream down. That action of writing, that movement from abstract mind to concrete pen or pencil or keyboard on something tangible is a visual witness, a statement that starts to create solidness to the dream. Maybe a next could be to create a vision board, a visual collage of what your dream looks like. Then perhaps price it out. Check out "The 4-Hour Workweek" by Tim Ferriss, starting page 54, and Dreamline. This is what he says:

It is much like goal-setting but differs in several fundamental respects:

1.The goals shift from ambiguous wants to defined steps.
2. The goals have to be unrealistic to be effective.
3. It focuses on activities that will fill the vacuum created when work is removed. Living like a millionaire requires doing interesting things and not just owning enviable things.

Now it's your turn to think big.

While in Hawaii, we heard a few stories of people that have done just this very thing. One woman, a very spunky 60 maybe 70 something, Cookie from Oklahoma, moved to Oahu with nothing. She ended up staying for 7 years, able to sustain herself on work that she found. This woman was radiant. Joyful. At peace. She now visits Hawaii every year for a month at a time, she runs her own business teaching Tai Chi to the corporate world, spending her time doing what she loves.

Life is too short to not do what we love and live in an environment that brings us joy. Think it, Believe it, Live it.

Paradise Found

2010-01-27T11:55:00.003-06:00

Everyday is beautiful. The people we've met, who live here are generous and happy. What an amazing diverse place. Hawaii.

We have had whale sightings daily, mom's and their calves frolicking on the horizon. While snorkeling off our little beach, a sea turtle swam beneath us. Colorful angel fish, zebra fish, every color...amazing.

Pristine coastline, perfect sunsets, warm pacific breezes.

Aloha.

Our view from the Sheridan Waikiki. Yeah, it doesn't get better than this.

2010-01-20T13:14:00.003-06:00

So I'm sitting here, dying. I gotta get out of this place. This beige on beige office, with hardly anyone about, because many have left for other jobs or moved down south to the new office. I am 19 hours away from taking off with mi amor on a flight to paradise. And I just want to bolt. NOW.

I did manage to squeeze in buying some new flip flops and three books (buy 3 get one free from Barnes and Noble) during my lunch break. I thought that would quell the desire to run out of here, but it just inspired me to want to leave that much quicker...I can't wait to read the 6 books and 1 magazine on the flight, by the poolside and and on the beach...

I picked up 3 books for free from The Company's Book Nook: "Angels and Demons" by Dan Brown, (saw the disappointing movie, have a hunch the book is much better, found the "Di Vinci Code" entertaining), Michael Crichton's "State of Fear" (read "Next", and found that very provocative) and "High Maintenance" by Jennifer Belle (was drawn by the "Hilarious" comment from San Francisco Chronicle, Entertainment Weekly, and The Boston Globe on the front of the book and the picture of a woman throwing her black gloved hands up in the air, in a black cocktail dress, walking past a line of New York cabs. Plus I love hilarious stuff. Laughter is the best way to spend one's time.)

I think I have a good balance for my reading pleasure...one of the books from B&N is by Deepak Chopra and I have my Yoga Journal magazine to peruse. So I have comedy, mystery, global warming thriller, spiritual, a memoir and a coming of age story. Life is good! I'm freshening up my ipod with new music tonight for the journey, probably load some
Silversun Pickups - Lazy Eye,
Anything by The Raconteurs,
Sufjan Stephens, Illinois
The Killers- When You were Young,
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Tell me Baby,
The Fray- Over my Head,
Thom Yorke- Black Swan

So, in a few more hours I escape the 9 to 5 and jettison across the Pacific to Hawaii with mi amor. I am as excited as a 10 year old on Christmas Eve.

2010-01-13T09:25:00.003-06:00

I have my happy light on, I've taken my St. John's Wart, and it is sunny outside...however I can't shake this sinking feeling...I think my emotional downturn was triggered by reading Martha Stewart "The Simple Pleasures" magazine yesterday while I waited for my son to get his hair cut at "Great Clips", which by the way, the haircut turned out much better than he thought it would.

Featured in this article were four working mom's who had a knack for organization. Not just a knack...a talent. One picture showed a closet that looked like an upscale boutique, the way the shoes, shirts and scarves were meticulously arranged...Jeez Louise...it made my closet look like a flea market. Another picture showed a woman's color and label coordination of her digital CD archived picture files, tucked away in a beautiful cabinet. My picture files are tucked away between the internet, CD's and on my hard drive and external hard drive...in Picasa, Flikr, Photoshop...it makes me a little nervous...The amount of digital photos I have piled out there...is staggering and not well organized.

I know, I know...I shouldn't compare. It's just, I want it soooo badly. I want that time. Time to obsessively label my files. I want to feed it. It's starving and anxious.

I came home and started organizing and putting stuff away...for an hour...then downed 2 glasses of wine (I know, I'm only supposed to have 5 oz.) while putting together my 2008 Road Trip Blurb photo album (that I started in 2008). By 9:30, I was blurry-eyed, I shut it all down readied my self for slumber and fell quickly to sleep.

I woke up restless this morning, remembering this dream I had of riding horses with mi amor. The terrain was uneven and I worried about the horse loosing her footing...Mi Amor's horse somehow freed herself from the constraints of saddle and bridle and was romping around the field, and I had to somehow catch her. (Yeah, it doesn't take an dream analyst to figure this one out).

I have this incredible urge to run home. And not for just today. But for awhile. Like stay home for as long as it takes. I want to start with my office space to put the papers away...I want to set up better and prettier systems to keep track of our life. I want to start there.

Metaphorically, I have a sense that Spring is around the corner, and I need to get the space ready for planting. I need to get the place ready for horses to romp around freely, without risk of neck injury...

Dryers can be frightening

2010-01-12T19:08:00.002-06:00

My dog, Augie, is panting uncontrollably at this moment trying to fit his 100 pound body underneath my desk chair, drooling all over my leg. Why? The dryer is on.

We have tried everything...fed him treats near the drier. Sat for long periods of time in front of the drier...nothing...he finds the drier to be very frightening.

Oh well, at least he is over his phobia of heater vents...

Friday Shootout: Fences

2010-01-08T09:18:00.003-06:00

January 8, 2010 'Fences' by Sandra Leigh
"All over my town there are fences - tall ones and short ones, old and new, elegant and shabby. They all have something to say - like "Keep out," "Be careful!" (like this one) or "Stay right where you are," "I'm utterly exhausted" or "Look at me. Aren't I splendid?" Some have gates; others simply define a space or support a heavy vine. What kinds of fences are there in your town? Do they really make good neighbors? Or do they just isolate us? " Sandra Leigh

*************************************************************************************

I chose this shot from my archives from 2009, when we visited Michigan City with some friends. The fence is for drifting snow, it keeps the roads and parking lots in the surrounding area fairly clear. You'll see these kind of fences all along the lonely highways in Nebraska and Colorado.

Come join us at My Town...

It's a snow day!!!

2010-01-07T14:26:00.008-06:00

Yes! I really, really mean it! Augie-wanna go on a walk? Yep, romping in the snow is allowed today. It's really coming down. I think today I may have to institute a snow day, and work from home.

Peeking out the back door into our backyard, very early in the morning.

I love snow days! I feel like I'm making up for all those snow days that never materialized during my childhood days growing up in Southern California. The forecast calls for 10 inches by the end of today. It's still coming down pretty steadily. Augie and I checked it out this morning.

Walking down the driveway, spotting the red bow on the mailbox. Snow softly hitting my face. Augie bouncing along.

The neighborhood quiet, a few folks leaving for work. (I'm glad I'm taking a snow day!)

Looking at Augie bury his nose and face in snow reminds me of a song...

Snow, it won't be long before we'll all be there with snow
Snow, I want to wash my hands, my face and hair with snow

Snow, I long to clear a path and lift a spade of snow
Snow, oh, to see a great big man entirely made of snow

Where it's snowing
All winter through
That's where I want to be
Snowball throwing
That's what I'll do
How I'm longing to ski
Through the

Snow, those glist'ning houses that seem to be built of snow
Snow, oh, to see a mountain covered with a quilt of snow

-"Snow" From the White Christmas Album

Whatever kind of day it is for you, may the excitement of a Snowday fill your hearts.

New Beginnings Require Strong Finishes

2010-01-06T10:39:00.004-06:00

In order for a new beginning to be all that it can be, we need to take the time that is necessary to complete our endings. -Your Spiritual Coach from explorefaith.org

I'm at my job, checking personal email and trying to gather up motivation to do some work that The Company pays me nicely for. I opened up the above reflection, which had perfect timing, sort of like a "God Wink". I am all churned up inside my gut today, the butterfly's are flying rampant. I was just informed that the project I am leading for the Company is crucial for decisions that have to be made. And these decisions needed to be made yesterday.

Just last week in 2009, this project felt so weightless, so invisible that I have been taking my own sweet time in it. Now, just because somebody has let me know that my findings will determine actions...I got stressed. I was reminded that I had this load to carry.

This project was started in August of 2009, and has been limping along without ~~a lot~~ any feedback. I started to feel like I lost my bearings, and by the end of 2009, I completely lost my North Star. And I didn't care. Whatever. I'll just enjoy the ride. The Company is closing it's doors here, I am laid off in April, it all doesn't matter.

January 2010. A whole new decade. I am hitting the ground running starting my own business, starting a whole new life...and oh dear God, I hit a mucky patch on the trail, my Emu's are making a sucking sound as I lift each foot in front of the other, I have to finish what I started. I have to finish strong to start something strong. I have to gracefully complete this ending. Today I will spend a few hours working on The Company's project and then I'll put the finishing touches on my new start-up's web site.

I feel a whole lot better now.

Just around the corner...

2010-01-05T16:46:00.002-06:00

I have no idea what's around the corner. But as my friends have encouraged me, that is what makes life so damn exciting! I have been putting one foot in front of the other today, and have whipped up my first draft of my website's home page. My ideas are starting to coalesce. I am putting it all together...what my consulting business will be about...it feels right, I'm getting a deep sense that I'm heading in the right direction.

If not...well, I'll learn something...heck, I'm already learning something. One can put together a website without knowing a lick of html.

2010-01-04T15:08:00.002-06:00

First day back to work in 2010. April looms. It's the month that I will be laid off. Now on this side of 2010, it seems a whole lot closer. All my ideas for what I will do when that day comes are littered all over the floor of my mind. There is the idea that I will be a free-lancer, I will consult the company that I work for presently in all things Lean and Six Sigma. Or I will call upon present customers and offer them my consulting services...I have to figure out what I'll charge. How do I calculate travel, car rentals and hotel stays?

I am also returning to school to finish my undergrad. At Depaul, through their School of New Learning. SNL. (Reminds me of Saturday Night Live. Just as entertaining, I hope!) My first class takes place in February...I'm going to be able to use LIFE EXPERIENCE for credit! And I have quite a bit of that kind of thing.

I imagine that I'll have all kinds of time when I get laid off and am able to make my own hours as I consult. Time to write, paint and ride a horse. But I'm kinda nervous. April is so much closer that it was in December. What if's are starting to plaque me. Plus I have to finish all the things I started in 2009. My novel. My website. Fix my logo. Business cards. My business plan. My 2008 Road trip photo book(which I started in 2008)....yikes.

I'm feeling a little claustrophobic with all of the floating unfinished projects in my psyche.

I just took a deep breath.

I will pick up the thing closest to me and finish it.

Um. I choose the website. I will write out some rough drafts...I can do this.

Hidden Growth

2010-01-02T12:02:00.002-06:00

Frozen.jpg, originally uploaded by Kimberly.J.

She has dropped all her ruby leaves.
Little berries left uneaten are frozen.
She sleeps.
She dreams of her glorious splendor, when her sun beckons.
Deep within
her life force hums.
Her roots continue to delve deeply into earth.
She rests until it is time.

"Every action taken by human beings is based in love or fear...
Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms.
Love is the energy which expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals.
Fear wraps our bodies in clothing, love allows us to stand naked. Fear clings to and clutches all that we have, love gives all that we have away. Fear holds close, love holds dear. Fear grasps, love lets go. Fear rankles, love soothes. Fear attacks, love amends."

-Neale Donald Walsh - from the book "Conversations with God"

Angels we Have heard on High

2009-12-25T13:37:00.001-06:00

Angel-Musician-with words.jpg, originally uploaded by Kimberly.J.

Merry Christmas!

Today's Friday Shootout is on angels, topic chosen by me for the FSO crew. Thanks for letting me participate in this fun assignment.

This shot was taken last night at the beautiful "Holy Family" Church at midnight mass. Mi Amor and I participated in this tradition of welcoming Jesus into our Christmas celebration through singing, prayers and thanksgiving with fellow believers.

***********************************************************************
And in the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terribly frightened. And the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that shall be for all people. For today in the city of David there has been born for you a savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign to you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger." And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased."

And it came about when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds began saying to one another, "Let us go straight to Bethlehem, then, and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has made known to us." And they came in haste and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as he lay in the manger. And when they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this child. And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told to them by the shepherds. But Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart. And the shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them. (Luke 2:1-20)

Visiting Momma

2009-12-22T14:51:00.002-06:00

The opportunity to visit my mom came through a last minute business trip to Springfield, Missouri this last weekend. I haven't seen her in about a year, and was feeling a bit bad about not visiting very often. This was my third time to visit in the six years she lived there. I wish we had the kind of family that lived close to one another and checked in on each other often.

As I drove the 2 hours east to her home, I thought of how fragmented our family had become. I was the one who started it, when at 19 years of age, along with my best friend, packed my white 1975 VW bug with all of our belongings. We push started that little car all the way to Chicago, in the sun, through the rain, and through a mighty big hailstorm, leaving the Southern California sunsets behind us.

My sister lives in Oregon, one brother in Southern California, another in Northern California and the other in Arizona. We seldom talk to each other, but when we do make contact, we can't stop blabbing. It is what it is I guess. A modern family. One that embraces the complexity of relationships among family. Without a doubt, we love each other.

Ruby Tuesdays

2009-12-15T15:44:00.004-06:00

Check out more Ruby Tuesday Fun by clicking on the clever picture of ruby slippers!

My Ruby Tuesday selection comes to you from an archive of pictures taken in 2007 when I had the opportunity to visit Japan. Check out my travel blog for more Japan shots...

Wordless Wednesday:

2009-12-15T15:21:00.001-06:00

For more see Wordless Wednesday

2009-12-15T11:51:00.003-06:00

I met a woman last Saturday, at my son's Karate event. (He was testing for his next belt. I am so relieved that he has some sort of physical outlet. He's 14, and very into gaming. And I worry, that all of those hours logged in to kill and destroy from the comfort of his bedroom may increase his testosterone levels without any appropriate outlet). So, back to the woman I met. We started chatting about fitness, and how she was into mountain biking. She had been on bike tours to Vermont and was getting ready to go on a bike tour of Napa Valley. I asked her how long they road on these tours. She said without a blink of an eye, "20 miles a day".

Now I thought that I could probably do 20 miles a day, but not on a wine tour...and not on vacation, and not with any hills, and okay, I'd be better at 10 miles a day, and not every day, maybe twice a week. I'd have to have one of those two person bikes with mi amor leading the way, or better yet a scooter. Something with a motor, that I would climb on the back of. I'd wear a helmet of course. I imagine that I would taste the wine, and after a few glasses, need to take a nap, not a bike ride. Or I'd need to keep drinking wine.

I thought this woman was very cool. I wanted to be like her. All adventerous and what not. She asked me what I do for fitness. I told her that I walk my dog every day, I do yoga several times a week, and do weights. She smiled and told me she could never get into yoga. I asked her why. She told me she thought it was boring.

I take it back. This woman is not that cool. I don't want to be like her...Did I tell you she was recuperating from an achilies tendon tear? See? That's what happens to the adventurous types, they get injuries! I'll stick to my low impact, fitness program. And when I go to Napa, I'll go with wheels, four of them, maybe a convertible...with mi amor at the wheel.

Friday Shootout: Holiday Weather

2009-12-11T12:41:00.003-06:00

Friday Shootout theme was chosen by Emma check out http://mytownmrlinky.blogspot.com/ to see what other participants shot.

Looking out the front door's beveled glass, the lights shimmer and dance.

Opening the door lets in a blast of frigid air. I breathe in the cold. Winter is here!

Friday Shootout: Favorite Things

2009-12-04T12:41:00.012-06:00

Hydrangeas in Blue
and Dinner with friends at Marche

Graduation in June and

chocolate martini's in May

Gianni's Chicken Picatta and Charlie's Wings

These are a few of my favorite things

Augie mellow and sweet after a fetch and run
Vacation with family cruising for fun

Boating in Greece playing like Kings
These are a few of my favorite things

Oysters at Southport and my garden in bloom

Warm summer nights and dinner on Hiyadoon

Painted skies sprawled
out on the coast of Racine

These are a few of my favorite things
When the economy bites
When the job stings
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don't feel so baaaaad

Hey, I'm trying here!

2009-11-30T16:26:00.003-06:00

Why is he so sullen? He glances at me with a sideways glare. I probably press too much. I miss the chatter we used to enjoy. Why is the answer always a shrug with sometimes a quiet verbal "I don't know"?

I just want to know the following:
1. Why do you do your homework and not turn it in on time?
2. Why go through the trouble of doing the work when you will get an F for not turning it in on time?
3. You love this class, and tell me it's easy, yet barely get a C on the tests. What gives?
4. You still do all of this even though I ground you from XBox 360 and make you write one page essays on the assignments you get an F on.
5. You are really smart, test way above average...but have no internal drive to get good grades. Why?

Easy answers:
(Slap on the head). Duh mom, he's 14. He's a freshman. He's hopped up on hormones. School is a prison sentence in his mind.

ArGHHHH.

Friday Shootout: My Town's Premier Attraction

2009-11-20T13:31:00.002-06:00

This weeks Friday Shootout theme was brought to you by: Kent. For more photos on this subject matter go to Friday My Town Shoot Out

The small town I live in is about 30 miles northwest of Chicago, ( a 30 minute ride on the tollway when there is no traffic, up to 2 hours when there is) and I really couldn't think of subject matter to shoot around this place that would cause a person to leap up out of their seat and exclaim "my god I know where that is..." just from a picture. So I went with "my kind of town Chicago...", which has an umpteen amount of landmarks that may cause a person to at least raise one eyebrow and mutter, "yeah, I know dat joint, my uncle told me about it, he lived dair once."

When in Chicago, one must visit the "MAG Mile". The Magnificent Mile hosts the marvelous Michigan Avenue, off of which the very tall (100 story) John Hancock Building resides. It is on the 95th Floor where "The Signature Room" is available for an elegant martini with an amazing view.

Now this could only happen to a "gal" like me
And only happen in a town like this
So may I say to each of you most gratef'lly
As I throw each one of you a kiss

This is my kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of people, too
People who smile at you

And each time I roam, Chicago is
Calling me home, Chicago is
Why I just grin like a clown
It's my kind of town

[brief instrumental]

My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of town, Chicago is
My kind of razzmatazz
And it has all that jazz

And each time I leave, Chicago is
Tuggin' my sleeve, Chicago is
The Wrigley Building, Chicago is
The Union Stockyard, Chicago is
One town that won't let you down
It's my kind of town
[ My Kind Of Town Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]

The Season Always is a Changing

2009-11-19T05:35:00.003-06:00

I am in a season of busy. Not that I'm complaining, however, my days seemed to be spilling over the edge of this cup I drink from. Today. Another one. Thank you (I internally look up).

There is a part of me that wants more time to play in my writing, in my exploration of painting, and dreaming. Yet, I feel content in this moment. My work is meaningful. And this is rather new.

There were days upon days that I did absolutely nothing for the Company. I blogged and wrote, I surfed the Internet, I played with my photos. And as I did this, I let go of my desperate need for notable outcomes. Notable in that someone would notice me. (Ahhh yes, the Ego.) Outcomes that somehow made me feel like I was worth something. Like I had a purpose.

I still do struggle with my actions proving my worth. I have to daily tame that wild beast, that depending on how much sunshine I get in a day or sleep I get at night or whatever throws me off balance, my tendency is to work feverishly, all the while feeling a bit guilty for the less fortunate. This edge haunts me. It's the voice that tells my that I'm not doing enough. I'm not giving enough.

But that was yesterday. Today. Back to today. I am in this moment. All is quiet in our home. I am residing in this space right now. Writing. Being. I breath deep and allow that beautiful stillness settle my already twitching mind.

Hi. (I internally look inward). How are you? Thank you. You are okay. You have all that you need. You give out of an abundant place. You are giving out of what you have been given. No more. No less.

Friday Shootout: Places of Worship

2009-11-13T14:58:00.004-06:00

Yesterday I had the good fortune of finishing up early at work. One of the ladies I was training mentioned a great place to see in the area. I love recommendations so I pointed the rented Ford Focus toward Rome and was delighted to be able to shoot a couple of rounds with my P&S (Point and Shoot). Berry College in Rome Georgia, founded by Martha Berry, on 26,000 acres, home to a few thousand deer (I saw packs of them roaming the campus at twilight) was a gem. I drove through a vast forest, walked around the campus and marveled at the beauty of the setting sun, against 100 year old buildings framed by blue skies and autumn colored leaves. Inspirational.

I chose one of the three chapels as my subject for today.

Friday Shootout theme was chosen by Rebecca. Come by and visit the official FSO page to see what others posted.

wor·ship (wûrshp)n.

a. The reverent love and devotion accorded a deity, an idol, or a sacred object.

b. The ceremonies, prayers, or other religious forms by which this love is expressed.

2. Ardent devotion; adoration.

"When I admire the wonders of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in the worship of the creator".
Mohandas Gandhi

Friday Shootout: Skylines

2009-11-11T20:51:00.004-06:00

Last Friday's theme was chosen by Kate. For more fab FSO pics visit the "official" FSO site.

Okay. So...Friday Shootout from last Friday on (what's today???) Wednesday. Well, it's been one of those weeks. Mi Amor is having a very important birthday this Friday (celebration of being alive for half a century!) and I surprised him with a party last Saturday. The very best kind of surprise happened...he was really surprised! Then I flew to Georgia the next day. And that is where I am right now. Blogging over wireless at The Hampton. So...that's my story and I'm sticking to it!

As for last Friday's Shootout theme. I was dying to post the skylines I took a week prior to that. We enjoyed Ft. Lauderdale's boat show. Mi Amor has a mighty crush on certain boats...so we reveled in the lovely weather, and the Hilton in the marina, the pool, oysters on the half shell at Southport Raw Bar, pitchers of Bud Lite with dear friends, clam chowder, breakfast at The Harbor Cafe, strolling along the piers, downtown Ft. Lauderdale's classic car show, the water taxi drivers...

Tzalgud! (Tiz all good)

Friday Shootout: Park Landscapes

2009-10-31T08:38:00.003-05:00

The Friday Shootout theme was selected by Jarielyn. I chose The Olympic National Forest. This protected landscape is a jewel in the USA's treasure of protected landscapes. I took these pictures during a visit to Washington State.

Friday Shootout: Childhood Memories

2009-10-25T21:38:00.005-05:00

Ellisa chose our theme this week for Friday Shootout. Childhood memories.

My father was the photographer in our family, always rounding up the five of us to capture us in our finery on Easter or some special occasion in front of the house, near one of his newest autos...he was a car guy. Loved buying 'em, restoring 'em and selling 'em. He was also a Quaker pastor, fantastic handyman, carpenter. In my mind- he could do anything. He is frozen in all of our minds. Golden.

In 1983 he succumbed to Melanoma cancer. I was turning 15 years old in a few weeks. My youngest brother was 8. My mom had a lot on her plate to begin with. We were a wild bunch.

1974 - Mom made my sister's and my dresses. I remember the itchy polyester.

1975- We just moved out of the parsonage, (the house subsidized by the church for the pastor and his family) to a sprawling fixer-upper ranch on the end of a cul-de-sac in Anaheim, California. We could see Disneyland's fireworks if we stood in the middle of our street.

1979 in the back of a Chevy. Again, mom made our dresses. I was perfecting the Farrah Fawcett hairstyle. You have no idea how early I had to wake up to do this...

My father. I see his face in my sons.

My mother. My sister and I both have her spunk and determination.

Childhood.
Fleeting memories.
Innocence.
Forms our character.
Haunts our dreams.
Magical.
Confusing.

“The things which the child loves remain in the domain of the heart until old age. The most beautiful thing in life is that our souls remaining over the places where we once enjoyed ourselves”
- Kahlil Gibran

Friday Shootout: Classics of Childhood

2009-10-24T13:57:00.002-05:00

I've been laying low since Wednesday. Was hit with some sort of flu bug...just starting to feel more energetic...so, I will post this Friday shootout, some time tomorrow...come back and visit.

Friday Shootout: Sunsets and Sunrises

2009-10-16T14:46:00.003-05:00

Friday Shootout! Idea brought to you by Sherri. Check out more photo shots of this nature at the official Friday Shootout blog.

Last weekend we closed our boat, HYADOON. Mi Amor spent the hours scrubbing canvas, changing oil, unloading dock boxes in 40 something temps, while I spent the day inside the cabin, warm and cozy, organizing and cleaning. (I did sneak in a catnap as well).

The lines were tied tight.

The pier awash in sunset.

Goodbye faithful vessel, store well this winter. See ya in 2010.

Racine Harbor is a beauty in all seasons.

We drive home on KR, passing fields harvested and tilled for the spring planting.

To the end of a very fun season.

“Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.”

Yoko Ono

Friday Shootout: Silhouettes

2009-10-09T09:57:00.003-05:00

My Town Friday Shootout's theme this week was chosen by Carrie. This Friday phenomena is the brain child of Patty and Reggie Girl. For more info go to the official page.

I define "My Town" as Chicago, "my kind of town", Racine, Wisconsin, where we dock our boat, all the surrounding areas on Lake Michigan, okay and anywhere we visit for vacation, maybe I think of the whole planet as My Town. Is that wrong? I have found that travel has made my perception of the world shift from way big to small, friendly and warm (not as in global warming warm but smiling faces warm).

My Town for me represents the unique places, glimpses of beauty, the unexpected, as I stroll, bike, boat or drive along the day. This reminds me of something I read in one of the daily meditations found on explorefaith.org this week. People that were born blind for many, many years, were given sight by the most recent and advanced medical procedures. The reaction from seeing nothing to full color created pretty intense reactions among the patients. One man marveled at the diversity of all the faces that came into his line of vision. One lady just stared at her hands, amazed by their form. A woman, so overwhelmed with sight, asked to have the bandages put on her eyes for another week, just to give her time to process all of the visual inputs.

All this to say, to point out, that we miss the miraculous in the day to day. The stuff we see all the time becomes the mundane. For me, the camera eye helps me see in a new way. The mudane becomes amazing.

A silhouette of a lovely lady, guarding Grant Park. I didn't catch her name, though she reminds me of someone, perhaps the Statue of Liberty. A star graces her crown, championing wisdom.

Chicago's skyline.

A really old building in Racine, Wisconsin.

A summer stroll in Kenosha, Wisconsin Harbor.

Racine, Wisconsin - Boater's Delight.

End of the Season

2009-10-08T16:44:00.004-05:00

The summer is long gone. Boats are going into storage. Thoughts of fall drives, Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations are starting to infringe upon my day dreaming time. Mi Amor and I will take one last drive to Racine this weekend to close the HYADOON. She did really well this year. We were able to take a wonderful trip across Lake Michigan to Saugatuck. We puttered around Racine Harbor, lounged around on the pier with good friends and most importantly, we were able to relax. Well I relaxed, mi amor fixed and cleaned stuff.

Friday Shootout: My Favorite Place to...

2009-09-25T14:45:00.004-05:00

Friday Shootout is a fun way to showcase the places where you live, vacation or just plain like. For membership guidelines: mytownshootout

Today's theme was presented by cindy. "My Favorite Place To _____"

My Favorite Place to be still is near the water on Lake Michigan.

fluid
swishing and splashing
refreshment when thirsty
cooling off on a hot day
swimming, floating
Water

My Favorite Place to Relax is on our boat on Lake Michigan.

"When I forget how talented God is, I look to the sea."
-Whoopi Goldberg
(I look to Lake Michigan.)

My Favorite Place to Eat is on the back of our boat, docked on our pier in Racine Harbor, Wisconsin.

My Favorite Place on Earth to be is sitting next to Mi Amor pretty much anywhere.